My mind is in shambles. My body feels weak. I am exhausted.
I cannot decipher at what point I realized I am so exhausted. Always. Always exhausted.
My body feels weak. The appointments to fix it are accumulating and the prescriptions are piling up.
Today is a reality check. I seen the pictures. I seen what the inside of my body looks like. I can see that it is not right. I can feel the medicine is not working.
A new medicine. Another attempt. Except the pharmacy doesn't even carry the medicine I am supposed to try now. They tell me the cost. My mouth hits the floor. I thought the previous medicine was expensive. It wasn't. Not compared to this one.
The pharmacist asks if I still want it. What choice do I have? It's prescribed. The doctor said so. Even after the required possible negative side effects have been listed. I have the doctors personal cell phone number. Do I call?
No, I tell the pharmacist I have to try this medicine. It will be here tomorrow. She asks if I had to sign a risk statement. No, I did not. She tells me of the possible side effects. We talk. I am in disbelief. Is this really happening? Is this my life?
My mind is in shambles. It's racing. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm scared.
I come home after a day that was supposed to be fun, which was fun, until I hide it from everyone. It's not a big deal. I can do this. I'm strong. I have a wall. And it's built to the top. I break down. Hard.
My mind is in shambles. It's racing, but calmer now. A grip on reality is setting back in.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new face, a new medicine. One day at a time. One hour. One minute. One moment. This is mine.
