There is something about today that has felt a bit like I am floating in a dream world. Nothing was ordinary and nothing was extraordinary. But my feelings today are different and I can't seem to put a finger on it.
Today I started back in with physical therapy on my knee, except this time I've started with a new place and a new therapist. I wasn't totally impressed with my previous therapist and heard some good recommendations for the place I am at now. My first impressions of her were high. She took a different approach than I experienced previously. Instead of just looking at my knee and giving me a few stretches, she was actually taking measurements of my knee to look for external swelling. Of course my right knee measured bigger than my left knee, so she could see there was swelling there. She figures there is swelling internally as well.
Next she made marks on my knee and took more extensive measurements. This way she can measure the progress we make and can see if the swelling is going down based on the measurements too, not just on my words on how I feel. She gave me one stretch to work on twice a day and then proceeded to ultrasound and E-Stim, which my orthopedic surgeon had wanted done all along. That's a whole different story. But this is where things got weird.
As she's ultrasounding my knee, we're talking and all is good, but then she started coughing. I'm not really noticing she's coughing other than the fact that she is apologizing. The coughing continued and then she apologizes for choking on her peanuts. At this point, I stepped outside of my body and floated above her like I was oblivious to what she just said. I remember thinking how can one choke on their peanuts when they've been in the room with me for over 20 minutes and she hasn't eaten anything. The coughing gets so bad she's now got tears running down her face. I told her I thought she should get a drink to which she said she was almost done with the ultrasound. It was really weird. And it kept going. Finally the ultrasound finished and she left to get a drink, and then came back in and started coughing, and left to get a drink, and came back in and started coughing, and left to get a drink, and finally came back in with her water.
Finally, she hooked up the E-Stim and left the room. I relaxed and floated around, basically bored out of my mind wondering about her choking. When she came back in at the end, she was no longer coughing. She told me she was surprised at the delayed reaction to the choking. Like I said, it was odd.
The day progressed as it usually does. I went to pick up Jayden from preschool and decided I wanted to take him to the Children's Museum again instead of going back to work. So that's what I did. The weather was beautiful and the museum was quiet. We went outside, took off his shoes, and let him play in the water. I loved watching him and being with him. Typically on Tuesday's this isn't an option because I am at work until at least 5:30. By taking advantage of this, I realized something....a dream I have.
I wish I could be here for my kids. I wish I didn't have student loans, car payments, or other big bills. I think in my own dream world today I was living where money grew on trees and things were perfect. Like I said, there was something about today that was different. I want to be home with my kids and be a stay at home mom. But at this point, I just pinch myself to wake up because that isn't going to happen in my near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment