times have changed

Times are so different for today's teenagers than they were for me when I was growing up.  Cell phones were just coming out towards the end of high school and  I didn't get mine until I think the end of my senior year.  Even then, it was a huge bag phone that stayed in my truck!  However, today, a majority of all teenagers have cell phones, including my two girls.  They have been more of a convenience for us and beneficial when trying to find them or need to relay a quick message.

I always say as long as they are living under my roof that I will check their phones whenever I want to, which isn't too often, or whenever I feel something isn't right.  Today happened to be one of those days.  I had been noticing one of my girls has been spending a lot of time on her phone and was told by my other daughter the same thing.  Since we were at the lake today I asked Mike to go down and take the phone from her because she needed to watch two of her cousins on the playground for a few minutes and to also give me a chance to look through it and figure out what was going on.

The first thing I hate to see when I finally decide to go through it is an empty inbox.  All messages deleted.  However in this case, the sent folder was full.  And I wasn't totally impressed with what I saw.  Some messages said she was walking around in her bikini, or that her hair was wet and down to the middle of her back to make it pretty, the I love you too text.  Needless to say, I kept the phone until we got home so I could do some further checking on who this kid was.

I got onto her facebook account and seen this boy had friend requested her and that they had no mutual friends.  I went onto our phone account and seen that she had been texting him all day today and until 1am last night, along with several hour long conversations.  Then I found out he lives in Florida.  So I was really confused how she met him until she told me that they had met playing a video game, that doesn't even have to be online to play! 

After a long and encouraging conversation,  she understood what was going on was wrong.  I told her she is too young to be friending boys that live that far away that she has never met in person.  There is more to life than sitting on a phone all day having a virtual conversation with someone she hasn't met.  Or even if she has met them, there is no reason to be texting all day long.

As we got to talking, I learned that she is having troubles with friends here because certain girls don't like her, or she's not in a certain sport, or she doesn't hang with certain people.  I remember those days...the days of being a teenager and being friends one minute and in fights the next.  It doesn't make it any easier.  She knows that I am here for her and will help her any way I can and she knows and understands that she needs to make an attempt to get together with her friends and have real conversations and moments in life to remember.

I also blocked this boy on facebook, deleted him from her phone and sent him a text message asking him not to call or text anymore because they are too young and live to far away to be on the phone all day.  My daughter is ok with how things happened tonight.

I hope she is able to get through this rough spot with her friends and start hanging with them more.  At this age, friends are so important.  I was going to keep her phone for awhile because of this, but I decided she had learned her lesson based on what we talked about and she fully understood why it was wrong that I gave it back to her.  When she asked me why I gave it back I told her I wanted her to have access to her friends that are local so she doesn't feel excluded from them.  After all, times have changed from when we were younger!

She knows I am watching her usage online and continuing to watch her facebook, so even if I don't get to see what the text messages say, I can at least see who or where they are being sent and at what times.  So for now, it is what it is.